Let’s be real – Friendsgiving is amazing in theory but can be absolutely chaotic in practice. Like, the idea of gathering your chosen family for a cozy feast sounds perfect until you’re stressed about seating arrangements, wondering if anyone actually knows how to cook, and realizing you have three people bringing “dessert” and nobody assigned to vegetables.
I’ve hosted Friendsgiving for the past four years, and I’ve learned that the key to a successful celebration isn’t perfection – it’s planning and creating an atmosphere where everyone feels included and relaxed. Plus, there’s something magical about gathering your people around a table and being genuinely grateful for the friendships that make life better.
Why Friendsgiving Hits Different
No Family Drama You chose these people. There’s no weird political conversations or passive-aggressive comments about your life choices. Just pure appreciation for the people you actually want to spend time with.
Flexible Traditions Want to do potluck style? Perfect. Prefer ordering pizza and calling it Friendsgiving? Also valid. You make the rules.
More Relaxed Timeline Unlike family Thanksgiving with its rigid schedule, Friendsgiving can be whatever works for your group. Brunch? Evening dinner? Three-day weekend celebration? You decide.
Building Chosen Family There’s something deeply meaningful about creating traditions with people who aren’t related to you but feel like family anyway.
Planning Without Overwhelm
Start Early (But Not Too Early) Send invites 3-4 weeks ahead. Earlier than that and people forget, later and they’ve made other plans.
The Group Chat is Essential Create a dedicated Friendsgiving chat for coordination. It keeps everything in one place and lets people get excited together.
Set Your Non-Negotiables Decide what’s most important to you – is it the food, the atmosphere, the activities? Focus your energy there and let other things be simpler.
Cap Your Guest List As much as you love everyone, there’s a limit to what your space and sanity can handle. 6-12 people is usually the sweet spot.
Potluck Strategy That Actually Works
Assign Categories, Not Specific Dishes Instead of “Sarah brings stuffing,” try “Sarah brings a side dish.” Gives people flexibility while ensuring balance.
The Host Provides the Basics You handle the main dish (or main dishes), drinks, and paper products. Let guests supplement with sides, apps, and desserts.
Create a Sign-Up Sheet Google Sheets, SignUpGenius, or even just a shared note. People can see what’s covered and avoid duplicates.
Have Backup Plans Someone always flakes or forgets. Have a few backup dishes you can quickly throw together or order.
Menu Ideas That Don’t Require a Culinary Degree
Easy Main Options:
- Rotisserie chicken upgrade: Buy several rotisserie chickens, transfer to nice serving dishes with fresh herbs
- Turkey breast: Easier than whole turkey, still feels traditional
- Slow cooker pulled pork: Set it and forget it
- Vegetarian main: Stuffed acorn squash or hearty lasagna
Foolproof Sides:
- Mashed potatoes: Hard to mess up, everyone loves them
- Roasted vegetables: Toss with olive oil and seasoning, roast until caramelized
- Simple salad: Bagged greens with good dressing and toppings
- Dinner rolls: Store-bought is fine, warm them up
Dessert Solutions:
- Apple crisp: Easier than pie, just as delicious
- Pumpkin bars: Like pumpkin pie but in bar form
- Store-bought pies: No shame in this game
Setting the Scene
Cozy Atmosphere Over Perfect Decor String lights, candles, and maybe some fall leaves from your yard. The goal is warm and welcoming, not magazine-perfect.
Music That Enhances, Doesn’t Distract Acoustic indie, soft jazz, or instrumental versions of popular songs. Keep it background-level.
Comfortable Seating Mix dining chairs with couch cushions on the floor if needed. It’s about bringing people together, not formal dining.
Good Lighting Dim the overhead lights, light some candles, use lamps. Soft lighting makes everyone look good and feel relaxed.
Activities That Bring People Together
Gratitude Circle Go around the table and have everyone share something they’re grateful for. Sounds cheesy but it’s actually really meaningful.
Friendsgiving Trivia Create questions about your friend group’s shared memories, inside jokes, or fun facts about each person.
Photo Booth Setup Simple backdrop with fall props. Everyone loves taking pictures, and you’ll want to remember this.
Cooking Together If your kitchen can handle it, having people help with final prep can be really fun and bonding.
Dietary Accommodations Without Stress
Ask About Restrictions Early Include a question about dietary needs in your invitation. Most people appreciate being asked.
Label Everything Simple cards noting what contains dairy, gluten, meat, etc. Takes the guesswork out for guests.
Have Safe Options A simple salad, roasted vegetables, and fruit are usually safe for most dietary restrictions.
Don’t Take It Personally If someone can’t eat most of what’s offered, it’s not a reflection on your hosting. Just make sure they have something they can enjoy.
Budget-Friendly Hosting Hacks
Potluck is Your Friend Let guests contribute dishes, drinks, or even paper products. Most people want to help.
Shop Smart
- Buy turkey breast instead of whole turkey
- Use seasonal produce (it’s cheaper and tastes better)
- Check warehouse stores for bulk items
DIY Decorations Fall leaves, pine cones, and branches from your yard cost nothing and look beautiful.
BYOB Option Provide basic drinks (water, soda, coffee) and let people bring alcohol if they want it.
Timeline for Success
Week Before:
- Grocery shopping (except last-minute items)
- Prep decorations
- Clean common areas
- Confirm final headcount
Day Before:
- Prep anything that can be made ahead
- Set the table
- Final grocery run for fresh items
- Chill drinks
Day Of:
- Start cooking early (everything takes longer than you think)
- Delegate tasks to early arrivals
- Focus on enjoying your friends
Managing the Unexpected
Someone Doesn’t Show It happens. Don’t take it personally, and don’t let it ruin the mood for everyone else.
Food Disasters Have a backup plan (pizza delivery numbers handy) and remember that your friends care more about spending time together than perfect food.
Personality Conflicts If you know certain people don’t get along, seat them apart and have activities that keep conversation flowing.
Running Late Build buffer time into everything. Things will take longer than expected.
Creating New Traditions
Memory Jar Have everyone write a favorite memory from the past year. Read them aloud or save for next year.
Recipe Exchange If people bring homemade dishes, create a shared document with all the recipes.
Annual Photo Take a group photo in the same spot each year. It’s fun to see how the group evolves.
Leftover Strategy Have containers ready so everyone can take home leftovers. It extends the Friendsgiving love.
The Day-After Reality
Cleanup Strategy Ask a few close friends to stay and help with dishes. Many hands make light work.
Thank Your People Send a group text thanking everyone for coming and sharing favorite moments from the day.
Start Planning Next Year While it’s fresh in your mind, jot down what worked well and what you’d change for next time.
What Really Matters
Here’s the thing about Friendsgiving – your friends aren’t coming for your culinary skills or Pinterest-worthy decorations. They’re coming because they want to spend time with you and celebrate your friendship.
The burnt edges on the sweet potato casserole, the slightly dry turkey, the fact that you forgot to buy enough chairs – none of that matters if people feel loved and included. Focus on creating an atmosphere where everyone can relax, laugh, and feel grateful for the connections you’ve all built.
The Bottom Line
Hosting Friendsgiving doesn’t have to be perfect to be perfect, if that makes sense. It’s about gathering your chosen family, sharing good food (even if it’s imperfect), and taking time to appreciate the people who make your life richer.
Start with simple planning, don’t be afraid to ask for help, and remember that the best parties are the ones where the host is relaxed and enjoying themselves too. Your friends want you to have fun, not stress yourself out trying to impress them.
P.S. – Take lots of pictures, but don’t forget to put the camera down and be present. These are the moments you’ll want to remember, not just document.